30 Sec's on....
So, there I was down at the stables late Saturday arvo, and I was talking with a mate...
I'm in a spot of trouble. My 30 sec's should have been done and dusted, and all ready and raring to go, and I've got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.
What do you mean you have nothing?
Exactly what I said. Nothing has been amazingly "out of the box" cool or good, and nothing has upset me. I've got nothing to write about.
Well, that's easy. Say that Spirit have been quiet this week and write about nothing.
And that was the end of that conversation.
But I thought about that driving home, and then realized that Spirit hadn't been quiet. This past week I'd been journeying back, because in July, I've lived 50 years.
Oh wow, that just sounds so completely, randomly weird, even writing this. But it's true. 50.
However, the older I'm getting the better life is getting. But it wasn't always like this. I mean, don't get me wrong, life hasn't been bad but if I could go back and tell my 40 year old self anything it would be this, You are on the brink of an awesome life, it's going to get a bit challenging but you know, get your brave on, hold your breath, shut your eyes and jump.
I did, but not willingly, if you know what I mean.
My 40 year old self kept thinking that if I didn't keep plugging all these holes, making everything fit, that my life would fall apart and there would be nothing left. Or nothing of substance.
And I stubbornly held onto that belief system for the next few years, refusing to unplug those holes. Driving myself a little bit crazy.
Spirit must have got tired of my humming and ha-ing though, because one day I got up and went, What if I just let go... What if I stop fixing things...
Well, to be fair, I thought I was so clever and smart that everything would just magically fall into place, and I would realize that I had been worrying unnecessarily.
That worked out to be inaccurate. Everything fell apart in technicolour glory. And kept on falling. In fact, it happend in such a way that I couldn't actually do anything. I just stood there watching as my life fell down at my feet.
What I had forgotten though, was that from ashes comes awesome. But it took a while. In fact it took months until the smoke cleared and the chaos calmed down, but one day I woke up and the sun was shining. I shut my eyes then re-opened them just to make sure but yip, there it was. Shining down on me.
I guess that's why I'm walking happily into my 50th year. I don't wish to be younger or smarter, thinner or prettier. I'm more attractive now than I was when I was younger, because I know and love who I am. I'm quirky and curvy and hot, if that's your bag. I'm also more confident in myself and my abilities, and the love that I have. I have a face that yes, has been lived in, but also tells a story. There's a twinkle in my eye and I swear, hand on heart, I get hit on more now by men than when I did when I was young and thin. And not just by a couple of guys, but all kinds of guys, ages and races.
And the orgasm's are better.
The horses, well, all I can say is that that first weekend I knew. They welcomed me home. I walked into that paddock, shut the gate behind me and never left.
I've also accomplished far more than I ever thought possible. To work with Spirit and the Clair-senses in the way that I do is a rare gift, one that took me many years to value and respect, because no one else would.
And my son, well, with all the fabulousness that surrounds me these days, he is still my biggest, and most awesome, success.
That's what 50 means to me.
Wishing you much love and abundance and a truly courageous heart.
T and Spirit