30 Sec's on....



As you're reading this today, it is my 49th Birthday.

I know!  I've surprised everyone, including myself, that I've arrived here, at this destination, relatively healthy and extremely happy.

And as I'm sitting here writing this blog this morning, four days before, I'm getting tingly hands.

No, not because of the thought of lots of pressies, but because I'm feeling amazing.  This last year has been really fabulous for me.  

Because all the foundation work that I laid last year, started growing roots this year.  

Has it all been unicorns and fairy dust?  

Hell, no. Not even close some days.

Because there's been some failures.  And conflict.  

Don't give me that look, everyone has conflict, and I'd be lying if I said there hadn't been for me.

However, the things I've got right, I've really got right.  And that has far outweighed the rest.

But anyway, I've been holding my breath waiting for this scary, Oh God, next year I'm turning 50 panic to hit and well, it just hasn't.

No really, I've been looking in the mirror every morning wondering if I see any more crinkles than yesterday, did the looking in mirror naked thing, looked at my finances, house, car etc and kept wondering if I would want anymore than what I have.

And the short answer is, no.

I do not need, crave, covet or desire anything else to make me any happier than I am.  

And I know this because my body is in balance.  It's happy with me and I'm happy with it.  My heart is full and I can be happy for my friends.  

Really happy when things goes right for them.  And less happy when things don't go right for them.

Not based on whether they have more or less than me at any given time, but because they're great people and I want them to have a good life.  

But the best thing is, I've realized that my life just keeps getting better, the older I get.

Because I have deeper relationships.  I don't waste time on surface sh*te anymore.  Come with game or don't come at all.  So, I have friends in all walks of life, and all ages from 14 to over 80, and they're all awesome in their own freaky deaky way.  

And I get offered a lot of opportunities these days.  

Recently there's been doors opened for me to deepen my knowledge.  To go beyond the surface and swim the depths of the old ways.  Which I think I'll take up, because knowledge, as I've learnt, has many layers.  And maybe it is time for me to go deeper, to go back to the beginning and go beyond the words.  To taste the colours and feel the smells again, from a different perspective.  

And something has come up which I have been hunting for, for the last 18 months but I was like, Yes...No.  No.  No. because it just wasn't right.  But it fell into my lap yesterday (as I'm writing this) and fits what I want perfectly. So, that's a go.

But the big question that I've been waiting to come and smack me in the face is, What if I'm single when I'm 50?

But it just refuses to come and freak me out.  Mostly because I've dodged a few bullets in my time and one in particular was so close, I felt the air on my cheek, as the bullet flew past.  

So, my fear isn't about being single, it's being tapped with the stupid stick and choosing the wrong guy.  

Which as you and I both know, is a completely different kettle of fish. 

But anyway, let's assume I'm Miss Smart Sassy Pants here these days and that just won't happen.

Anyway, back to right now, today as I'm writing this the sun is shining, the horses are grazing and I'm really looking forward to the next few years.  

They have the potential to be mindblowing.  

Wishing you much love and abundance and a truly courageous heart.

T and Spirit