30 Sec's on....
I've just had a really disturbing conversation today.
There I was talking with one of my young ones and the next minute she says, Do you think I have Mental Health issues?
There was that funny silence while I thought back on what I had said to see if I had hinted that I thought she had. I hadn't.
No. Why would you ask that?
Well, sometimes my boyfriend says stuff and my head gets a bit messy.
What sort of stuff?
Oh, you know, nothing major, just...you know...
Actually, I do. Or did. Depending on which way you look at it.
Those phrases that someone you love, tells you. For your own good. To help you to be better, nicer, smarter, thinner, more normal, have more friends, not look like a slut, be less mental or well, you get the gist.
Actually, now I'm talking about this, did I ever tell you why I have my tattoo?
My armband signifies the drawing of a line in the sand.
The rolling waves symbolize the times and tides of ebb and flow and the continuous movement of postive and negative, happy and sad. The flowers celebrate my connection to Mother Earth and the deep, soul work I do. The sideways 69 is the year I was born and is the Cancerian symbol and again refers back to the ocean, the moon and the changing times and tides of Spirit and last but not least, the pearl in the half shell refers to my son. He was 15 and I was just starting to see the awesome man he would become. I got the tattoo overseas, when a big planetary eclipse type thingy was happening, in a little cottage where the sign outside the door said, Please take off your shoes, this is a place of Spirit.
But back to this story, it was really upsetting to hear it from this little one. She was young, tall, hot and smart. A great combination.
So, I got out a piece of paper and pen and started drawing.
I drew a long circle.
This is you.
Then I drew a little circle inside it.
This is your soul inside of you.
Then I drew a hammer outside the circle. This hammer holds the words that are spoken to you. It can be powerful and empowering and build strong foundations or it can tear down the bricks and mortar of who you are.
Then I said, This is what happens when someone you love says toxic words to you. And drew little dents that the hammer had made in the outside circle. I said, Right now, they're only small but watch what happens...
Those dents that you think aren't important, look what they're doing. They're sending vibrations to the little circle, and that's your soul. That weird, niggly feeling you're getting right now. That's your soul saying, Hey stop that! I don't feel great.
But that hammer is still going, baby. It's still joking in a "mean" way or "telling you for your own good". The vibrations are still coming but now they are being bounced from your soul straight up to your head, to try and reason this feeling away.
You can't though. Because being in love or being loved is supposed to feel good, and you're not feeling good.
So you try harder to be better, nicer, smarter, thinner, more normal, less mental, not dress like a slut...but it's not going to work because you are fine the way you are.
Just not for the person holding the hammer.
Words are never just words.
They build up. They tear down.
You rise from the ashes.
Wishing you much love and abundance and a truly courageous heart.
T and Spirit