Tania Kettle

The question that has been quite prevelant today has been How do I get from where I’m standing to where you’re standing?

Ok, excellent question 99!

I am not going to say “just be positive” because to be perfectly honest that is not going to work in some cases.  You take when my husband was screaming at me at the market - that wasn’t fun (and I still can’t remember why he had the snot! lol) and there was nothing positive about it.  Where I made an excellent choice though is that I didn’t make an excuse for him or his behaviour.  I didn’t own his negativity, I didn’t excuse his behaviour and then I chose not to accept his behaviour.  Because it wasn’t acceptable. 

What could of made me stay was I had been married less than a year, I had a new born (who never freaking slept! Do not get me started on that topic again lol) no money, no qualifications and no career to speak of.  If I had thought about it, throwing my husband out was not the brightest of moves but I didn’t think about it.  All I knew was that was never happening to me again.  However, leaving him gave me options - I stopped limiting myself, who I was, what I could achieve and believe it or not, how much money I could make.  I found my strength, my courage, my talent and my backbone lol good on me!

 Your turn. 

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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

You guys are going to have to get up with the play here!  We have been doing enough work together for you to have kicked some seriously bad habits lately - particularly concerning ex’es.  Yes, I know it is easy to go back and yes, I understand that sometimes it is better the devil you know than the devil you don’t and yes, you have the sex down pat…..I get it, I get it, I get it.  However, what you are not getting is that you are just going to be bitched slapped.  Again.  And again.  And again.  Until you say NO and mean it.  Sometimes no matter how good a relationship has been it is time to say bye.  It has passed it’s use by date and seriously, you are just wasting your time.  This got bought home to me yesterday. 

I was just hanging round keeping a fairly low profile (well as low as I get lol) and this guy starts talking to me - he was loud, boisterous, opinionated (only his) and generally not my cup of tea so I was trying to siddle away from the conversation (and not doing a very good job I must say) then his wife comes out to join us bringing his two kids.  Excellent.  The husband is telling me that he is a teacher and he tells his classroom kids the way it is (because he’s the man) and then he turns to his wife and goes…..Did you leave me any food?  (as the wife and kids are munching away on it I didn’t think it was very likely but being the good psychic that I am I kept quiet)  We then have a slinging match between husband, wife and children “Why would we leave you any food?”  Because I might be hungry?!!  That’s ok though because I’ll just stop off and get KFC The kid then chimes in with - Great!  That’ll be why you look like ten tonne tessie and then it’s all on.  Mum, Dad and kid all chipping in with who is the fattest and what they eat and then husband turns on the wife and her housework qualities or lack of - That’s why I’m buying you a smaller house - so you don’t have as much housework to do because you’re not very good at it lolollol I kidd you not! - I was embarrassed for this poor woman although husband, wife and child should all be ashamed of themselves for the way they were speaking to each other.  The one thing it bought home to me though was that there would have been warning signs in that relationship and I guarantee that at least once they would have broken up before they got married.  Most probably quite a few times actually. 

Made me think of my ex-husband actually.  We had been married about 10 months - it was ok, nothing stunning (but motherhood and marriage is a huge shock to the system when you are 25 years old anyway) but I thought I was winning the fight of being a good (conventional) wife and Mum.  However we were at the Otara markets doing a stall this particular Saturday morning at 5.30am and my husband got the snot on.  And he started yelling at me.  This 6′4″ man, built like a brick shithouse started screaming at me.  In front of all these people.  And everyone kept on walking.  And he kept on yelling.  I can’t even remember what it was about it was that long ago.  All I know is that he only did it once and it ended the marriage.  I know it’s hard to believe now but at the time I was speechless and just stood there and took it.  He had never raised his voice to me before and I was stunned as no man had ever raised his voice at me.  I snapped out of it though, went home, packed his bags and kicked his sorry ass out.  Never took him back.  Never regretted it. Don’t let someone yell at you, talk down to you, belittle you or make you feel small, unworthy and insignificant.   You’re not.  Funny the things you remember though.

So…..moral of today’s story?  Don’t have the spine of a jellyfish.  Expect better.  Then demand better.  Way, way better  :)   Then sit back and wait for the fabulousness lol

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Well, well, well…..who would of thought it - 39 years and 364 days old today lol You know I never pictured myself 40 - 102? yes (we all have long lives in our family) but 40? nup! and I am actually pretty proud of myself.  Haven’t bought myself a one carat diamond ring - good on me!  Haven’t bought myself a ‘68 black corvette (you have no idea how hard that one was - hell that car is hot!) Haven’t got a tattoo (although I think I’m losing the fight on that one), haven’t thrown all caution to the wind and decided to back pack around the world, haven’t thrown myself out of a plane with just a tiny scrap of material between me and certain death and I haven’t shagged a complete stranger because of fear of lost youth - quite a success story so far I feel!

So I have decided to share the most important things I, personally, am grateful for:

1) Actual proof that you are never too old to fall in love

2) Divine confirmation that my butt is drop dead, absolutely……..perfect!

3) Knowing that NOW is always the time to fight against ignorance - sometimes you win!

4) It being proven that I own inner strength and the soul faith that comes by knowing that things will always change….and for the better!

5) Understanding that falling in love is still the best feeling in the world

6) Knowing there is nothing that chocolate, champagne, a bubblebath and/or your best friend can’t cure

7) Recognising that it takes more courage to say No more in a relationship than it does to stay - but is so, so worthwhile

Understanding that to bake for (and with) someone you love is a beautiful experience not a subserviant act

9) Accepting that embarassing experiences only end up being funny memories.  Eventually.

and last but not least the most intense thing I am grateful for in my life is….

10) Having the relationship I always dreamt of with my son - it ROCKS!!

Off to cause mischief - see you in a week!

ps:  No matter how much you want it to be true though - I do not get naked and dance under a full moon lol  :)

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I want you to ask yourself whether you are living a life full of limitations.  Recently a big question that I have been fielding is about men (no surprise there) but if a man is not calling, not coming over to see you, not sending you flowers, taking you out for dinner and/or showering you with compliments I fail to see how this man could possibly be the best man for you, and your soulmate.  This is just not right.   Soulmates enhance your life by making sure you feel loved, wanted and appreciated by words and actions therefore if you are not getting these words and actions there is a communication problem or he is not your soulmate.  I know, I know, I’m being harsh and stroppy again but I live my life with a strong belief system and making excuses for people doesn’t work for me - nor should it for you.  A happy, fulfilled life is one of action not just words and certainly not no action, no words.  For the next couple of days I want you to really look at your life and whether you are in fact limiting yourself and your happiness by the choices you are making.  Maybe I’m wrong and he really does love you in a strong, silent “I’m the man” way but if you truly believe this step back and then look at what you actually have.  In your hand……cause baby, this is your life.

While you are pondering how wrong I am though let me leave you with a little (true) story…..I met a woman in the supermarket the other day that had been a client of mine years ago and we started talking.   She has been with her husband now for almost 10 years although when I knew her they had been together and broken up maybe a dozen times and she said  “You know, you were right.  We did end up getting married.”  Overall that’s a success story but she looked in her 50’s when I knew that she was only 44 years old.  I left and finished shopping but wondered how many times at 3am in the morning, she had wished when he had left her, she had let him. 

I didn’t sleep particularly well that night.

Quote of the day from Grandma Moses……Don’t be that woman.

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I love school holidays!  All discipline, rules, deadlines and alarm clocks go out the window.  The first spoken phrase every morning in the house is Is it pancake time yet?  and just seems to be a time where we recharge and take our chaotic schedule down a couple of steps.  I, for one, am extremely happy about this four term year and just enjoying although I believe that I could just be in denial that in a matter of weeks we are back to rowing.  lol yes, that freakish experience again - and the young one should enjoy his sleep while he can because in the first couple of weeks of rowing he can barely drag his sorry ass from school to the couch and everytime I turn around he’s fallen asleep again through sheer exhaustion lol.  He’s also in denial at the moment because his new school had better erg times (rowing machine) for every single team member than he had at his peak. lolollol This should be fun to watch although one must not forget that she who rules found an amazing talent to sleep in the day to try to catch up on her daily 6 hours sleep a night let alone that stupid everyone needs 8 hours rule.  The phrase stones and glass houses spring to mind.  The body must be starting to prepare though as we are back to mostly organic food, the wine is almost relegated to the back of the fridge and I am regularly thinking of the gym again…..

Gotta go, he who rows is making starvation gestures again

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I thought I would be pro-active today instead of damage control on Monday lol

Today I want to talk with you about excuses.  Excuses for why a man is not calling.  Excuses for why a man is only calling you when it is dark, wet and cold and last but not least, excuses for him when you wouldn’t put up with that behaviour from a friend, let alone a person you are sharing body fluids with. 

Right here, right now I want you to raise your standards.  If a man is not calling you it is because he doesn’t like you that much because we (generally) only spend time with people we like.  If he chooses to spend time drinking with the boys instead of taking you out for dinner then it is because the boys have a higher place in his life.  And that’s ok.  You may be ok with being second best.  But if you are not, if there is a little bit of “I’m better than that” then I want you to practice it this weekend.  I want you to only spend time with people you like.  I want you to choose soul happiness over “but if I don’t give him any pressure maybe he will see that I am fabulous and change”.  Pigs fly.  If he wanted to see you he would.  He would call, he would text, he would come round to see you, he would email you and last but not least he would carrier pidgeon you.  And don’t even get me started on bringing you flowers, wine and chocolate.  Relationships are great, sex is great, soul connections are awesome…..don’t sell yourself short……actions speak louder than words…if he’s not calling, he’s not interested. 

Make this weekend count!

Wishing your physical body and spiritual soul complete harmony and perfect balance 

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I have always encouraged the young one to look outside the square.  To have a belief system but to consistently check that the belief system works - to listen and actively look for facts to back it up and if found lacking to be adaptable and flexible so that it does.  This seems to work well.  It also allows new people and theories to come into his life and this was proved to me last night at dinner.  We were chatting away about his day and he said do you constantly check the contents of cans?  What?  You know, like coke cans?  Ummmmm no.  Well, we learnt at maths today that sometimes what you see isn’t what you get. 

Ok, see that I can work with as we learnt here at home when “doing the healthy thing” that often products that said they were healthy weren’t any better than the normal stuff.  We actually found this with organic products as well.  That you had to be careful because lots of numbers snuck in.  ie: gluten free but has numbers instead, anyway I digress.  We’re talking about coke cans. 

Anyway, the young one was saying that cans used to (if I remember the exact figures from dinner) 375mls and now they are 330mls.  Price the same, cans contents different.  Anyway, he then went onto a completely different track and started talking about subliminal advertising.  My words, not his but I want you to work with me here. 

I want you to go and get a piece of A4 paper.  Got it?  Ok, stand the piece of paper up, roll it into a circle.  You see how it looks?  That’s right, tall and thin.  Ok now unroll it and now turn A4 piece of paper on its side and roll it into a circle.   How does it look? That’s right, short and fat. Which one do you think has the most contents?  Tall and thin? Short and fat? 

Wrong!  Short and fat.  However, which is the most popular with men/teenagers (male species over the age of 9)? Tall and thin.  What do you see in your coke ads?  Fabulous, sexy teenage girls holding onto the tall thin bottles.  Subliminal advertising.

I applaud teachers who step out of the norm to teach our young ones as valuable life lessons are learnt and as we all know, knowledge is power.   Still a little on the scary side though.

Quote of the day from Sandra Boynton:  As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E or U is the proper time for chocolate.  lolollol 

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Today has been quite interesting because a subject which I am quite fond of raised its head today.   Does money make you happy or more accurately, do you have to have money to be happy?  Well both, if we are being scientific about it because if we are being honest, if you cannot pay your bills, you can’t be happy! It is absolutely impossible.  Lying awake at nights wondering if you can pay your rent, mortgage, food, electricity, hp’s and/or childrens presents can be downright frightening but where I sit is you don’t need as much money as you think to be happy.  What bought on this subject?  An interview I did with one of the Auckland papers today.  The gentleman left a message for me about wanting to know about Mediums and Clairvoyants.  Excellent!  But in reality what he actually wanted to talk about was how much money Mediums and Clairvoyants were making in this “recession”.  Shame on you! 

I tried explaining that I don’t work with clients who are looking for a quick fix.  I work with clients whose lives are not working properly.  They may be in dysfunctional partnerships, or just with partners that they have fallen out of love with, loneliness, depression, work issues, contracts, embezzlement, real estate (both buying and selling), children, health issues, adult study and how to live a more authentic life.  So, he said, You’re not making more money in this recession.  Grrrrrrrrrr Nothing I said would sway him from his particular viewpoint.  I tried explaining that the above issues have nothing to do with money and the little darling still came back with so this year hasn’t been a financial boom for you?  lolollol I tried another tack.  I have now been in business 15 years so therefore my business grows every year as any viable business should - through word of mouth and success achieved for my clients.  Nup.  He wasn’t buying it.  He had decided that Clairvoyancy, Mediumship, Tarot readers and Astrologers had hit the financial pot at the end of the rainbow.  I wish lol  It was a highly frustrating conversation and just goes to prove that when someone has decided that that is how it is in a conversation that sometimes you just have to give them time to think.  

So, let us just for a short minute, talk about money.  Money does not buy fidelity.  Money does not buy you trust.  A happy partnership.  Loyalty.  A good relationship with your children.  Sound friendships or soul connections.  Money doesn’t stop you getting depression.  Or Cancer.  Or stop you feeling alone.  Money buys outward things but doesn’t dictate one bit of happiness past being able to pay your bills.   

In fact, now that we are talking about it, money cannot buy you 5 minutes of an authentic life. 

Let me leave you with a fabulous quote from Marilyn Monroe

I don’t want to make money.  I just want to be wonderful.

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Do you remember Bill Clinton’s most famous phrase?  lol, that’s right……I did not have sexual relations with that woman  I can remember thinking at the time…..what a dumbass….but a conversation I had with the young one yesterday made me think of Bill and for once, and most probably the only time, I knew why he had said it.

Let me explain….The young one is now at an age where he is coming into contact with drugs…..I hate to say it, I hate to even think it but avoiding it is not going to make it go away so I was again talking to the young one about drugs and how only dumbasses use them.  They are not cool etc, etc and he turned to me and said Have you ever used drugs?  Oh. No. Nonononononono.  Let me push the rewind button and start this conversation again.  Silence.  Silence.  It was at that particular moment in time I thought of Bill and realized that as much as we always have choices sometimes it is bad choice and worse choice.  And no matter which answer I gave I wasn’t going to come out squeaky clean - in fact, I either admitted I had used marijuana risking the whole kettle-black scenario or I lied and put a crack in the foundation of our relationship.  Bad choice.  Worse choice.

I chose to tell the truth and let me tell you did that open a can of worms!  In having said this my marijuana use was so many years ago we are in double digits AND could even be over two decades AND under no circumstances am I validating doing drugs….I stand by what I said to the young one….only dumbasses do drugs.   

It was really interesting though because the end result of the conversation was not that I had done a little stuff in my misspent youth (and repented) but rather the value I had put on our relationship, our home and the young one - enough to tell the truth. 

It was not a conversation I want to have again but I made the best choice out of a bad/worse case scenario because by putting truth first we laid another brick down in not only the foundation, but the growth and spiritual well-being of our relationship. 

Conversation still sucked though.

Bill Clinton still lied.

Quote of the day though goes to Oprah who said:

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.   

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I want to talk with you about age today.  A couple of reasons, well, actually only one major one lol  In 10 days I turn 40 and with God having a sense of humor I am dealing with every man, woman, child and dog that is also having a Cancerian Birthday. 

So….what I have noticed is that there is some huge discrepancies about age and particularly how we deal with it.  Frankly, I’m loving this 40 lark - it’s like a free pass to do what I want, when I want, with whomever I wish lolollol In fact, I think I might turn 40 again next year!  If on the other hand we wanted to talk about me turning 30 - that was an absolute trainwreck.  I hated turning 30 from the day after I turned 29 and actually cried on my 30th.  Not a good look.  So, what’s the difference?  I’m 10 years older, little more weight, few more wrinkles, a little more wiser, definitely more experienced and I feel fabulous.  I have been talking about this with a few friends and we came to the conclusion that at 30 you worry about what you haven’t achieved but at 40 all you do is celebrate what you have achieved. It seems very easy to talk about it but for me I have achieved a huge amount and I do want to celebrate that.  The peace and contentment that we have in our home has been hard won but achieved and that is no mean feat.  I like who I am as a person.  I like the people I know.  I’m kinder to myself.  I understand my vices - note that was understand not necessarily do anything about lol and I feel like a teenager again.  But with experience.  Life is for living and creating and loving and learning and not giving a crap whether someone likes me or not.  That’s liberating.

You also have the option of lying in bed too depressed to get up.

You also have the other option of falling in love.

Be good (or not good depending on how you are feeling) and Happy Birthday to all you fabulous Cancerians 

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