Well, it worked out that the Naughty Stick was one of the worst ideas I could have had.
And that's what Mares was trying to tell me.
Because it works out, when you wave a stick at a little one, they think you're playing.
However, when Mares made us all have quiet time, it gave me space to listen to the Energy, stop and not move forward until Mares had said it was ok and secondly, to go onto Google and walk around some forums and see what everyone else does.
This wasn't perfect, as you can understand, because no one works like me, but I did think I might get some good ideas.
To be fair, I learnt a lot about what I shouldn't be doing, but I was really upset about some of the ideas I heard:
1) Hit the horse hard on the nose.
2) Smack him or her.
3) Pinch them really hard.
Or my personal favorite of why I really don't like humans...
Put a nail in your hand, between your first two fingers, pointy bit pointing out, then close your fist.
Then hit the horse in the face.
Anyway, moving on from the ugly, I eventually found stuff that I had been doing great:
1) Constantly keep your foal moving. They're intelligent, curious and want to learn. So teach them stuff.
2) Keep moving their feet.
3) Touch their head. A lot. Ears, chin, nose.
4) When your little one is getting mouthy, really play with their nose. Not hard or mean but they won't want it much and will step back.
These are all things I have consistently been doing, Mares has taught me well.
And as you know we never use a halter or lead, but we have been learning how to keep back legs away from me. If Belle stands any way apart from straight on to me, or next to me side on, her head to my hip, I step up to her, next to her, then gently pull her head towards me, while pushing her legs away from me. It sounds weird when I write it, but just picture it in your head. That's working amazingly well and we can do both sides.
And I'm not trying to stop you seeing us by not doing video's, but I can't be watching for you, if you know what I mean. My Energy is 100% focussed on Mares and Belle and I have not 3 seconds spare to see whether we are in video range, whether I look ok and/or what you think of Mares and Belle.
I will do what I can over the next week, but my focus is only that Mares is healing well and that I am doing the best for Belle and I.
Keeping that beautiful Horse/human door open.
And I missed the races again!!
I was sooooooooooo not happy but again, not one thing I could do about it. And while I was at the I don't think this is going to happen tonight stage, I had this weird conversation. I'm chatting away and the next minute the words out of my mouth were, Oh c'mon, don't be like that, stop worrying about the timing and just enjoy the process...
At the exact moment I heard myself say that, I knew the races weren't going to happen. And I also knew that it was ok. I truly do not understand how things are working at the moment though because there is literally no rhyme nor reason to anything. Every moment I am awake I am either with Spirit or horses, Belle, sleeping or peeing.
Literally I am peeing out my body weight every day, it's weird.
Anyway, inbetwen this oddness, some super cool things have happened.
1) Suz hangs round the house, comes when called, allows me to pat her head, ears and back and generally has decided we have a relationship.
2) Mares talks about herbs all the time, telling me what works and doesn't. More, less, different.
That's a fucking awesome Whooo!
3) Belle's awesome. Video's are a no-go for the time being, but that's ok. Her intelligence is awesome to watch and I'm constanty trying to be better and smarter in the way that we learn. That we have fun. That each day is success focussed, and most days it is, and we are.
However, Mares keeps an eye on us at all times to make sure we're both doing what we should be, when and how.
Whoooo! Whoooo! Baby
4) I am always where I should be. There are times where I am tempted to sulk but you know, trust the process.
That's a baby whoo...
5) Elvis is adorable. Never leaves the house and either sits with me, walks with me or sleeps outside my bedroom.
An adorable Whooooooo!
6) Every time I'm in a situation I think of the herb that would suit it. It's making life so much fun and the herbs have literally taken on a life of their own because there is always a story happening. We've gone to the next layer.
That's a Soul Whooo!
Well, that hurt like a bitch.
I hit another Healing level and I can promise you that I would not have voluntarily done it. I was fine without it.
Spirit apparently thought different.
And I found myself unwittingly in a place that I never wanted to be again. And it was ugly and unpleasant and disturbing. It brought back memories that I absolutely never wished to revisit and I hurt. Literally my heart hurt. I felt displaced and disturbed. LIke I didn't fit my skin. And I was trying to keep it together, and I did real well for a while, and then I didn't.
But the funny thing is, the last time I was in this place it was as fucked up then. Crazy fucked up, when everyone around you is telling you it's normal fucked up. And I thought I'd forgotten all about it, but obviously not.
To be fair, as much as it was truly unplesant, what it brought up was worse, I remembered.
You know how some moments are game changers, that had been one. It was one of the times I really remember fighting for my life. Or the life that I wanted to own. That it wasn't just ugly words or hate talk anymore, it went beyond that.
And even as I knew it was fucked up, I still didn't get the depth of that fucked-up-ed-ness.
I forgive myself for that.
I also forgive myself for holding on to that which wasn't mine to own.
Oh wait...had some great time with Mares and Belle today. Belle's super participating, Mares not so much although that's not fair. She's participating in her own Mares way.
I've really missed my Grandfather today though.
This also makes sense of why I've been peeing so much.
And why I've seen so much Spirit recently. In fact, there was so much Spirit the other day I was like, Excuse me, move along please, I'm here to see someone else...
And today's been awesome. I still feel a little raw and slightly vulnerable but in a good way, if that makes any sense. Like my cup is being refilled again. This has been painful, but releasing.
But I've been thinking about why I haven't wanted to video recently and it's come down to this:
I video when I'm excited and want to share us with you. However, when we're working, we work in the old ways. We peel back layer after layer after layer until we're able to reach in and touch the soul. Then we work. At the problem, not the symptom. We caress and tempt, tease and talk. And as much as I try and show this, ultimately, when I'm in that place, it's just me and my beautiful horse in our soul way. That doesn't translate well to Social Media. Maybe Spirit will show me another way to work for you, maybe they won't. But for us it's awesome.
I'm just going to have to let my work speak for itself - with no video's, no Social Media and no way for you to physically see for yourself.
Oh c'mon, even you have to see the funny side of that one.
So that's been our week:
It's been Spiritually intense. We've dived into the depths, been scared by monsters and looked eye-to-eye with dragons.
But I'm standing taller.
Wishing you much love my friends, and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Az, Ralph, Chew, Suz, Fenny, Flash, Gino, Elvis, and of course my beautiful Mares and Belle
* Parts of this blog I didn't want to write this week. They happened, I just didn't want to talk about it, but at the time when I went back to delete it, I remembered why I started writitng this blog. To tell you how I work with Spirit every day of my life. And yes, most of it is awesome, but there is some ugly.
And you deserve the whole picture, not just the pretty bits.
There ain't no rainbow without the rain, baby.
** Oh no! I saw Flash bullying Caps with his horns this morning. I will keep an eye on this because normally Caps has this all sorted, but today he was like, Ummmmmm, Tania...
*** Mares was super chatty today. She's got the hang of all these herbs now and she is like, More, less, bigger, wrong combination...
Belle is super smart and she's going light, almost chestnut colour some days. She is super emotionative though and we are having a blast.
I'm also playing round with my food again. But this is fine tuning now - and it's really interesting to see how my body reacts after different foods. At all times I am super aware that I am not dieting, which is easy to fall into the trap of thinking, but to ride the Energy to utilize my body's full potential.
To make sure I am feeding my physical body, nurturing my soul while surfing the hormonal cycle.
It's a work of art, baby.
**** Fuck, we have a bad storm here tonight.
I am praying, that's praying, that I've got my herbs right for Mares, and therefore, Belle.
***** Mares and Belle are perfect.
I will say that Mares was pretty damn happy to see me but overall, she is strong and fine and Belle, for all her littleness, is perfectly weathering the storm.
****** I had my first conversation today that playing with a foal makes him or her unruly, difficult, disrepectful and hard to train.
This may be correct. I have heard this talked about before.
There is also a horse/human door.
The language is Touch/play.