It's crazy Energy here at the moment.
No, really, I'm always in the right place at the right time, but never where I intend to be, if you know what I mean.
So I'm cutting things right down to basics, and just assuming that Spirit have a plan, and I am just not invited to know of it right now. They mostly do this when they think I'm going to complain.
They're right, sometimes I do.
So no races for me tonight in Cambridge. It just didn't happen.
However, I am spending some real quality time with Mares and Belle.
It's good in a lot of ways, however I am finding my own personal boundary space challenging. I'm always wanting to be cuddling Belle, yet I am fully aware that she is going to grow big and I need to have her respect my space.
So I'm taking the naughty stick to the stables with me tomorrow.
Note: It is not naughty nor is it a stick.
However, it does have a handle and wavy bits on the end.
We (ok, ok, fine, me) have to get boundaries sorted and I can't fuck around.
Interesting fact of the day: when I am using the Clair-senses so much, like I am at the moment, it makes dealing with humans more challenging. It is easier to see the Base Energy and I feel yucky. Think of being stuck in toffee, like a spiders web. I can't wait to get away and be by myself or my horses at home.
I still see my soul peeps though.
Big love to my friend who lost a much loved Mare and baby xx
No one wanted to play with me this morning, and I felt like a bit of a dick taking the naughty stick in with me. However, the naughty stick is not for Mares or Belle it is for me. Because I can't get my shite together re boundaries. And I've only seen myself once on video where when Belle has stepped towards me and I have stepped back. But if I've done it once, there's a high chance I've done it twice.
That's not cool.
Hence, the naughty stick.
I'll see how things go this afternoon.
The funny thing is, just having the naughty stick in my back pocket changes my Energy. It is a constant reminder that I need to be empowering and nurturing, yet strong without ego, fear or physical force.
That's one tough enchilada, baby.
We did ok this afternoon. I can see where I need improvement, but I can also see where we're getting it right.
And everyone decided to test boundaries today.
I looked outside and Elvis was at the neighbours eating grass, I hotfooted it out and brought him home, only to find him in exactly the same place 10 minutes later. Put him in paddock with Suz. Suz wasn't too happy about being in paddock, she likes roaming the house. Elvis did the hoon/slide under the fence and hothooved if back to neighbours. Stopped at Warehouse on my way home and he is now tethered on deck.
I said, Don't go to the neighbours.
Mares was super protective of Belle today. No reason for it, just was in Mumma mode so I backed right off this afternoon. I still touched both Mares and Belle this morning and briefly this afternoon, but this is a learning curve for everyone and we must have been going too fast and Mares felt unsafe. That's ok, I'll pull back and take it real slow again.
Chew's sulking. Ralph looks like a model.
Caps and Az are, as per usual, perfect.
So it's been an unusual 24 hours.
Elvis was super fine. I let him off last night because he always sleeps outside my window and I kind of like that. It suits us.
Anyway, we're all good, go feed out Mares and Belle and Mares is still doing her, Stop! Don't do anything. Stand still kind of vibe while chatting away to me instructions on feed. Herbs needed to be added. So I get back home, about to go out again and I look over and WTF? No seriously, What the fuckity fuck fuck?
Guess who's one hoof shy of the neighbours?
I tried shoo-ing Elvis back but he was having none of it so I just popped my fingers into his collar and....well, all hell broke loose.
He jumped about 5 metres, did a spin, twist, buck and tried to bolt. While I'm still holding onto his collar. And then I couldn't let go, so he did it again and then added liquid poo to the mix.
I let go and he then just stands there coughing his lungs out and glaring at me.
Not my best work.
I did a lot of there there where I got home and he spent the afternoon hanging out on the deck with me.
When I saw Mares she was noticeably happier. And Belle is always happy. Mares was still chatting away and giving me a little growl but it's been quite eerie. To know that my horse is trying to communicate with me, teach me to make me better, is an unusual experience. I've been the one teaching her to talk, yet she's taken me under her wing and taught me, how to watch and see and feel with Belle. That silence and rest is as valuable as talking and touching. To listen to what parts are growing and need space to breathe, but also how to be gentle with my teachings with Belle. How less is more.
When to move forward.
When to stop.
What I've learnt over the past 48 hours though is these Clair-senses are a gift. And I need to be worthy of them. It's not enough to mostly get it right, every moment I need to be open, then more open. More curious, more willing.
And I need to be more gentle with myself and take care. Loads of self-care. Because you have to be careful when you work in this non-ego field. Things can change in an instant, and not always in a good way.
However, these are fine tuning things that I talk about nowdays. Tweaking, making things clearer.
This is something to celebrate.
So that's been our week: There have been layers upon layers upon layers. Sometimes I've thought I've got it right, and then realized that I'm still a babe in the woods. Othertimes I have been awesomely wise in my choices. But there's been a lot of luck and hope this week. Actually, that's not true. I've just had to take a lot, if not all, of my ego out of my days.
A lot of times it's worked.
And in the times it didn't, I took my ego out at the wrong time. Or got confused about ego and boundaries. Sometimes I just got plain, good old fashioned, lost.
Because they are both inexplicity intertwined, complex and challenging and if I'm being honest, I'm still finding my way.
I'm re-learning or un-learning.
Depending on which way you look at it.
Wishing you much love my friends and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Az, Ralph, Chew, Suz, Fenny, Flash, Gino (who is HUGE), Elvis, and of course, Mares and Belle
* It's still quiet time with Mumma Bear, so I'm just being real still. Interesting thing though is that Belle has got stronger over the last 48 hours. You can actually see it. So I'm trying not to get in my own way and upset this most fragile, but quite beautiful, intense Energy..
I'm waiting for Mumma Bear to invite me back in.
** I'm super happy with Mares, we needed this time. Mares tummy is becoming stronger and her whole Chi is moving positively and freely again. Admittedly, still not 100% but pretty damn close.
I've been really surprised how intense this Energy has been though. It's been quiet but huge, if you know what I mean, and I've had to work mucho hard in this time. Not just to listen to what is being said but to what is not.
Which to be fair, is always my most fun part.
However, I am finding it difficult again to walk these two roads. The more I work with, or should I say the deeper I work with the Clair-senses the harder it is to work with base human Energy. The greed and fear, envy and addiction, money and sex. It's like the door to the two worlds is wide open, and the door is too awesome to shut but...
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm finding humans ugly at the moment.
However, there have also been a couple of surprising things happen:
1) I'm fine tuning my food like no one's business. All the time I'm checking in, tweaking, fine tuning, making smarter choices. Listening harder, hearing clearer, checking in again...
2) People are visiting me in dreamstate. It's the oddest thing, twice now, two nights in a row, I've had a visitor. Same one. With colours, touch and smell. Weird because we wouldn't normally talk. I mean, we do, enough to say Hi! but this was different, and it doesn't make any sense.
I can also hear when someone's around.
This stuff which is happening is definitely sitting in the Odd and Bizarre box, and as I'm writing this has no rhyme nor reason to it.
But it's exciting and cool and I'm just doing what I tell you to do, Stand the fuck still and don't interrupt the Energy.
Oh wait...almost forgot, Mares physically answered me today without thinking. She immediately tried to back track and pretend she hadn't, but it was too late.
*** Wait! Wait! My witchy herb book turned up and it's fabulous!
It's easier to break something than it is to repair it. And yet there's a rare release in breaking - in dissolution - that we seldom let ourselves feel. Think of the caterpillar that turns into DNA soup during it's time in the cocoon so it can emerge as a butterfly.
What if you knew without a doubt that you could break and be remade?
What if you could find joy in the breaking?
What possibilities might this open up for you?
or what about this...
* loves to heal and there's so much to do! * dives deep, magicking molecules, rebuilding broken chains, restacking cells into tissue and tissue into muscle. This is joyous work for * so she tends to work quickly...sometimes too quickly! Her boldness can border on recklessness, and in her mad-scientist exurberance she can get ahead of herself and forget first steps. * is a reminder to work systematically, starting with the deepest layers and working your way out. Even creative endeavours need to be built on a solid foundation. If * appears, ask what needs healing, and then pause to assess and plan before diving in.
When real metamorphosis has begun, we run into a welter of "dissolving" experiences. We may feel that everything is falling apart, that we're losing everyone and everything. Dissolving feels like death, because it is - it's the demise of the person you've been.
Hell yes, sister.