Tania Kettle

Ok, so maybe I haven't had the most 100% positive day.

Or even close.

Bugger.

So, it went like this: 

1) One of my friends got kicked and got hurt.  He's going to be ok but you know, it wasn't great.

2) I may have had some slight success with some of my outside horses and just might have got a little ego like.  

3) I wanted to move forward with Mares too quickly.

So, Spirit came in and gave me a slap.

I helped out at the stables this morning and you know, I always help with leading horses in and out, so no problemo today.  However, these were colts (the large kind not the cute and cuddly kind that I normally hang round with) and ones that I didn't chat or normally hang out with.  The first one went fine, but he's one of my favourites and as much as we don't have chitchats as such, we always have a, Hi, how's it going? So, then I went to take the next one out and he reared up, tried to front foot me and generally scared me half to death.  I refused to take him out.  To be fair, I could also see one of my horse Spirit men (literally a man who worked and lived with horses in his human life but is now in Spirit) out of the corner of my eye throwing his sh*te round and saying, She is NOT taking that horse back.  

Ok then.

We were all good, I did other stuff but then I got caught again.  One of the horse men I know, not well but we talk easily and freely when we do meet, was there, and I needed to put a halter on a horse.  It was all done up and all I needed to do was slide it over the horses head.  But as you and I both know, I can't do it.  I literally can't see.  So, I'm standing there next to horse with halter in my hand, he's standing there talking to me waiting, and then all of a sudden it's quite obvious I can't do it.  I have no idea what part goes where.

And it's always really embarrassing when I get caught like this.

Because I never talk about it.  I mean, you know because we've talked about it before but that's just us, it's not common knowledge to other people.  Sometimes even people who are close to me don't know, because I hide it so well.  You don't get it until you see it, then when you see it, you can't unsee it.  On a positive note, he's a lovely man, he knows me and knows my work and just gently took the halter from me and put it on.  I just said, I literally can't see, it's not how my brain works.  He's a beautiful man and didn't make me feel stupid, but I hate getting caught like this.

But wait, let's finish with a third...

Then I went to take another horse out and forgot that I never take her out or bring her in because she literally drags me round the place.  Which she did again today.

Of which I had to admit defeat and get someone else to lead her to paddock.

It's been a totally frustrating day.  I'm a better horsewoman than this but I understand going too quick and over estimating my ability will not do me, or the horses any good.  So I have had to realign my thinking to, I am a good horsewoman, but I am a work in progress.

However, I am truly grateful that Spirit walk with me, and I feel truly blessed that I am able to see Spirit, touch horses and play with magic.  

It's just somedays, it's a b*tch.

****

So, it's been an interesting couple of days.

The day after my not so stunning day I was back leading horses all round the place, including the one that had tried to drag me round the day before.  To be honest, I can't say that I was 100% happy about it because I was still a bit sensitive about her, but was told that, She's only a bit difficult going back to paddock and to go get her.  So, I did, but I also did the only thing I do when I don't have a lot of brave, I started talking with her.  I spoke about what I do and why I'm with the horses, and how Spirit want me to work.  She was a breeze to walk in and I have had a lot of contact with her since and haven't had any issues, however, I also haven't lead her back to paddock.  But so far, all good.

Races were also good last night.  

No surprises.  Energy is what it is.

Some really good conversations, the start of a couple of new friendships, the potential to deepen others and a couple of Really? moments.  You know, the longer I know people, the less I understand them but to be fair, I think this is to do with my work.  I just don't get why people say one thing yet their Energy means something completely different.  I mean, go figure?  And I have to say this, because I'm seeing people both step forward and step back because of this, I don't believe that money is the root of all evil, but I do believe that people are tapped with the stupid stick when it comes to money. 

Tap, tap.

Anyway, it was a still a really good night, Spirit are just playing hardball with me at the moment.  

But today was super cool.

I surprisingly, got to work with cutie pie from a few weeks ago.  Her and her friend, were going to the same place we were going with our horses, and both needed a groom and I said, How about I help?  and I swear, hand on heart, cutie pie breathed.  So, I had the brush in one hand, positioned myself tummy to tummy with her, put my right hand on her and started burning.  This is most probably the first time you have heard me use this term, but what it means is when I lay my hand on a horse, we're touching tummies and some sort of chemical reaction starts happening, and the area I'm touching with my hand starts burning up.  Literally.  It's happend a few times before, in winter if you're lucky, you can actually see the steam coming off.  Sometimes the horse purrs as well.  It only happens when the injury is quite bad though.  But there it was happening today.  

I really wanted to say to my humans, Look!  Come here!  See what's happening... but that horse turned and looked at me and said, Don't you dare say a word, Tania.  And because of the kerfuffle previously, I shut up and did not say one single word.  The horse was trying not to make a sound and in the end I was like, Take what you need.  So, she did.  She walked on the float then backed off the float with not one issue.  Spent time with her friend, was mostly well behaved when her friend left to do her thing.  She did do a few front leggy things but I've known horses that were well behaved and acted worse than her.  Anyway, when that happened we just played the 1,2 game and she stayed with me.  She didn't go into that horsey place that I can't follow her into.  She wanted to, but that game kept her with me, it kept the door open so the anxiety couldn't take a hold.  Got on float and then got off float again later and was generally a pleasure. 

She's taught me some valuable lessons that I won't be forgetting any time soon.

So, it's been a crazy a** week.  Spirit have made me dig deep, some of it has been easy, fun Spirit work and some hard, where Spirit have said, You can do better, go back, do it again.  There were also times where Spirit have said, Trust us, this is not in your best interest to succeed and other times where they have just put up their hand and said, No.  No explanations, no excuses, just No.

However, when I got it right, I really got it right.

Wishing you much love my friends and of course, my humans.

Caps, me, Spirit, Az, Ralph, Chew, Suzie Q, Buzz-the-Bl**dy-Bull (who has been surprisngly well-behaved), Fenny and Flash (who I think are preggers - could be why Buzz is looking so bl**dy pleased with himself) and of course, my (potential) baby mama, Mares.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

* I really love hearing your horse stories but sometimes, just sometimes, I don't. They break a little bit of my heart.

** Missed the bl**dy deadline for the photo competition!  I thought it was the end of the month and it was the week before.   

*** And Suzie Q and I spent some fun hanging round today with the halter.  Not actually putting halter on but you know, we're one day closer.  However, I've changed my game plan and now I halter all the other horses, lead them out, and if she doesn't wish to be haltered, she doesn't come out.  She's not keen on this.  I personally think this is one of my better ideas.  Well, way better than us trotting round the paddock and halter wrestling to the ground.  Anyway, I call Chew when he's out, he comes over, gets haltered and then I walk him 5 paces and then take it off, while talking to Suzie all the time. She's getting it.  Maybe this week we'll have success.  

Actually, that's not true, we are getting success, the halter is just not going on.