Ok, so I'm finally sitting down, the fire's going (I know! we hit a really cold bit), I've got a cuppa and a delicious slice of caramel pie so I thought I'd catch you up on our week.
Well, first off I've had a crash course in learning about mares and colts in season. First, Missy went into season and I took her by the colts - not smart, then I learnt the second time down at the races. I must have been getting too soft for Spirit's liking because I remembered again later that night that horses are powerful although to be fair, that was when we had just got home from the races and my little cutie decided to drag me round the stables. Literally. In the dark. But it wasn't even a bolt, it was just I was standing there holding onto the lead and she was fast walking me round where she wanted to go. But those were good learning lessons and it was a huge amount of fun.
Suzie Q is a real little honey. Finally she is freely letting me touch her. Not all over, mind, but just you know, enough. But it's taken her ages to get that my horses like me. I go to groom her and she's like, I don't think so... and then watches all my other horses come up and wait to be groomed. She's like, WTF? so she's now, I suppose... she should be able to get her hooves trimmed soon.
I took Mr C to see Missy the other day and Missy was happy about that. She likes to know my friends and we all had a good chat.
The Healing Stones are working again. I wish you had reminded me last week when I started using them how bad the nightmares get. All I hear are the stones calling and I remember how good they are, but always forget the trauma they bring first. Because this week has been rough sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night shaking, heart pounding and scared. I never remember the nightmares though which I have to say is a good thing but my body holds onto to water and weight and everything and then Boom! I've done the next bit of healing and moved through to the other side. It's truly disturbing while I'm going through it though.
The little one is soooooooo cute.
We've started learning how to count. We can't actually count yet but we've opened the door to it. He is actively curious with me and voluntarily comes to me a lot. Mama is like, You're ok, but I'm watching you... which is great because it means she's leaving me space to play with the little one and the little one is voluntarily leaving her to come and touch me. He loves being touched and we are only days away from starting our breathing play.
In fact, today we did the very, very fragile beginning part of breath play. I stood with my tummy touching his. Not for more than 3 seconds, possibly it was only 2 but I'm very happy, it was a good foundation start.
I'm taking a break from seeing my horses tomorrow though. I'm been working very hard with the horse/human door and I need time to recharge, relax and be a human. It's not hard as such to do the door, but it's hard because you can't have an ego (that alone is hard work) and you are developing, polishing and fine tuning this muscle (for lack of better words) that opens and keeps open, the horse/human door.
When I told Missy I wasn't seeing her tomorrow she was like, Don't you want to see me anymore? Of course, I do, you goose. And once I had explained why I needed a break she understood. That's why I like her, she's not afraid.
Oh, almost forgot, looking at doing some Lunar Cycle stuff. We're (ok,ok, fine I'm) seeing some really interesting patterns (and dragging everyone else along with me) and the opportunity has arisen for me to go deeper into this. I'm seriously thinking about it but I need a hot bubble bath and a nap first, before I even contemplate taking on more work.
Must be bad weather coming. Everyone was standing at the Welcome Paddock waiting for me to open it up so they could go in. I don't know why they bother, Caps just bosses everyone out of the shelter so he keeps his whole self dry, eats all the hay and doesn't get squished.
Ooohhhh, almost forgot...Buzz-the-bl**dy-bull is taking the pi**. I mean, seriously, I found out yesterday that he should have been weaned off pellets two months ago and yet, here we are, him standing at the gate both morning and night, mooing for his feed.
It's different for Fenny and Flash. They're girls.
Ok, I've had almost two days of sleeping, eating decent food, catching up with some humans and if I don't start talking to horses again I'm going to start banging my head against the wall until my brains fall out.
The foal ran towards me today. And we breathed. The break was just what I needed, I'd been doing some good soul healing work and I needed to step back but by stepping back it actually took us all forward.
Mama's fine-ish with me, still not 100% but noticeably warm and the little one is adorable. The magic of standing with a little one and he's standing still next to me, and we are breathing is magic. And when I am tummy to tummy and my arms are over him and he is still standing still - words can't explain. Judging the exact time that is enough is still challenging for me because I want everything right now but you know, I am learning. I noticed today that what I originally thought was a love bite is not. As Mama was grooming and the little one was grooming then he was also trying to groom me which is where the love bite was coming in. He knows that he's not allowed to love bite me but doesn't understand why I groom and why he can't groom back. I worried to get it wrong but we're getting a lot right.
When I saw Missy she was like, WTF? You've seen another horse!
I love her more because of her snappish ways, not less. Anyway, we had a chat and she calmed down. I like seeing her, she asks a lot from me but gives a lot when I get it right.
We have, including the snappy, a quite beautiful relationship.
I need to periodically take a day off with my outside horses but two days, as I've learnt this weekend, is too many. I can't not be with the horses.
And what I have also learnt this weekend is this...
There is no scientific "basis" to this, no "physical" reasoning, there is just this magic when a horse talks. A time when we are transcending species and all physical and human limitations, and we are touching. It is eerie and other worldly and I feel like Alice in Wonderland. A lot.
And in this messy, mixed up world that I live in juggling Spirit, humans, the Clair-senses and horses, we - that's you, me, Spirit and the horses - will find our way to make this work.
So, that's been our week. It's been deeply healing, a little sad, a lot magical and a step closer to Spirit.
Wishing you much love my friends and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Az, Ralph, Chew, Suzie Q, Buzz-the-bl**dy-bull, Fenny and Flash.
* I'm still in two minds about getting a goat. Oh well, if I'm supposed to get one, I guess one will turn up on my doorstep.
** And I went too far with the foal. Oh c'mon, who didn't see that one coming. But all jokes aside, we have been doing so well. He comes trotting over to me, he is emotionative and so unbelievably cute. He loves being touched and is always, Tania, Tania...come and touch me. Then he turns his butt round and is like, How about here... turns again, How about here... He can't believe that I feel so good. And we can breathe. He lets me hang over his back, tummy touching tummy. He is happy with it. So, I couldn't leave it at that.
Do not, I repeat, do not roll your eyes at me.
So, there is this little bit of lead rope hanging down, to get him used to it I suppose. Anyway, I decided to play with it today. Do not give me that look, you cannot put a new toy in front of me and expect me not to play. That's just unreasonable.
And it didn't go well.
He freaked out, completely shot over to other side of paddock with kicks and bucks all round the place and stood sulking at the other end of paddock with his a** towards me. And not in a good way. Mama glared at me and I swear, hand on heart, if she could have rolled her eyes and muttered FFS under her breath she would have. I was in the wrong. In fact, I was sooooooooooo in the wrong that I then had to trek over to the far side of paddock, and touch out my apology to both little cutie and Mama. And then sidled out of the paddock. Not my finest work.
*** However, we're getting results out of my other outside horses. Noticeably winning in their chosen fields and definite improvements in others, I'm super happy. You know, the only way I can show you what I do is literally show you. That's it. I can talk until the cows come home but you don't really get it until I walk in and start talking with your horses.
So, I'm starting to get teensy, tiny results but I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I get results because I work with Spirit and because of them we ge results. Not results per se with the horses, that's a given, but rather other people are starting to get it. That I'm not just lucky every time I turn up.
No one's that lucky, baby.
**** It just took me twenty (20!) minutes to move Buzz-the-bl**dy-bull 75 metres. Fenny and Flash are girls. But anyway, there is a method to my madness. Suzie Q is packing on the weight because there's so much grass so the cows have moved into the Welcome Paddock. Once they have eaten out the grass the mini's are moving in and everyone is going on a diet.
Obviously, I have not mentioned this to the mini's.
***** And it was one of my favourite places again today, Karaka. I only got a few hours there because I'm busy and couldn't stay the whole day. I'd literally come straight from the horses, taking a quick 30 seconds to change my top. However, I spoke to the people I knew and liked, made polite Hi! noises to those women who don't and managed to keep my a** out of trouble - no mean feat, let me tell you, but I did get time to talk to the horses and my top picks are:
Number 164 - Cant change me - She's highly intelligent, a real cutie and has soul. She's a real winner and
Number 117 - (He has no name but his Dad is Pegasus Spur (USA) and his Mama is Katieellen Castleton) - He is my wild card. He's a beautiful colt and has fire in his belly.
* I'm sorry Kim I didn't know you were up until the day after. I hope everything went brilliant for you. Much love to you and your partner as always xx