Well, first off, taking a few days break from Missy was an excellent idea.
Sometimes this happens. We get results and then everyone goes a bit funky - kind of like Too much good and then everyone freaks out because it's challenging to cross species. Both for myself and the horses.
Because it is such a fragile process.
So, when this happens we need to take a break - to see that there is nothing wrong and realize that we like spending time together.
It's interesting to note though that Caps (and Sequoia, Az, Ralph and Chew) also did this just before we opened the horse/human door. That all of a sudden they freak out and are like, Oh no, you don't. I'm a horse, you're a human, I am not going to love you.
Because opening the horse/human door does involve feelings, a deep emotional bond and dare I say it, love.
Then Boom! baby.
Anyway, today i rocked up and we did Tail talk. Now if you remember last week we had bad Tail talk yet today it was very positive and empowering. It was used as a form of communication. So, we were outside today and she's like doing a tail swish, Please do not do that while I am eating. You may touch me on top of my shoulder and stand touching me with your body but please don't rub my tummy when I'm eating.
Well, ok then.
But we worked in a very gentle way today. When boundaries have been set like they were last week, the next time you are together needs to be a building on foundations time. A time where you need to sit in silence and be together. To value what you have accomplished and cement that.
It's interesting to note though that when I touch a horse, and we're in twosome balance we (me with the horse and the horse with my body) can hear the health Energy of the other's body. We can hear the Energy move through the body, see where blockages are and see where they have cleared from. I'm not explaining this very well though so let me try again. It's like as I'm touching the skin, I can feel through it into the muscles, tendons and blood vessels and everything starts talking to me. I can feel them pulsate and run, breathe and laugh. I can taste their sweat, or their fear or the softness. It's the most unusual experience but as I'm touching them I want to laugh and talk and nurture and carress them. To tweak them where needed, soften that which is hard and harden that which is soft.
Like kneading bread.
A most unusual but extremely rewarding morning.
Az did not keep his second place in the herd. Suzie Q walked delicately in and took over.
No surprises there, really.
Ok, so it's 1.24am Saturday morning when I'm writing this and I'm doing it now because I want to write while it is still fresh and raw and I haven't had time to put flowers around what happened.
Missy had her first actual race tonight down the line. I went down with my stable family and it was fun driving down. I had heard that there had been a few communication issues with Missy before I turned up but it was all sorted by the time I got to the stables and everyone was happy. We get down the line to the track and I lead Missy in. Let me just say here that there is a whole world of difference between saying, We have a good relationship and our horse/human door is open and proving it by leading a bloody 800 kg horse into a professional horse racing environment that she has never been in before.
Whole world of difference.
Anyway, she walked in, no bucking, jumping or bolting. My heart rate went up a bit though and I am so pleased that I use the 1,2 method. I don't know whether my Energy changes when I use it or the horses does but I just know that something does. It's like the 1,2 anchors us in the Stillness. You can't 100% get in the Stillness because by the time you need to use it there's too much busy around you. However, it anchors you and the horse together in a way that the busy can't take over and overwhelm.
Anyway, once we had had a bit of a walk round and she was put into her stall, I whipped her cover off and started brushing her. I love this. That physical connection where I'm touching and talking, it's bloody brilliant. And I've never met a horse yet that doesn't like it. Anyway, she's all good and then it's time to get ready to race. She's all geared up, all fine, all happy and off she goes.
600 metres into the race she falls.
She gets up immediately but the horse behind her runs into the harness (where the driver sits), the harness is ripped off, the driver goes flying, the horse behind gets hits in the jugular by the flying pin from the harness, that driver also goes flying.
Missy is bleeding. Our driver is fine. The other driver is fine, the other horse is dead.
It was a horrible, horrible time.
Vet came over with injections to stop Missy getting any infections and to give her painkillers, he was super kind. It was also super busy because we had another horse about to race and the drivers had other races to go into.
So, I got out of everyone's way and I spent the next hour cuddling (I have been banned from using this word but I like it however, if that word freaks you out, replace it with hugging) Missy.
I took my jacket off and literally stood there with my arms locked around her shoulders, my tummy touching hers, my neck tucked into hers and we just stood there, skin to skin.
Doing the only thing I knew how to do.
I stood in the Silence with that horse and I let my heart beat with hers.
I then text the young one to tell him what had happened.
We then packed up and left.
As I was walking back to the ute for the drive home I was seriously freaking out that my stable family were going to say to me, Please don't come back but it didn't happen anywhere like that. We started talking, really talking, maybe because of what had happened, maybe because we had a fair hike home or maybe because it was dark. Who the f*k knows. All I know is that we talked. There was no, Don't come back. In fact, that wasn't even a slight issue.
I eventually got home (ours) at midnight and the young one was still awake and had baked me brownies after he had got my text. He wanted to give me a hug but I smelt of Death so he allowed me to kiss the top of his head instead. He knows I have definite rules around Death. Once you're around it you must wash all your clothes, have a shower and wash your hair. You wash Death off you. My super cool, cream leather jacket was covered in horse blood though so I've binned it. I've learnt from Sequoia that Death has a smell, even just being around it and there's a lot of blood on it, I'll never get the smell out.
So, there we were in the kitchen, eating brownies and talking about my night. Then I washed all my clothes and had a shower, including washing my hair.
And here I am wrapped in a towel, with wet hair, talking with you.
Tonight went nothing like what I had hoped.
It tore apart that which was not strong and left only the barest foundation.
Raw, intense, powerful and painful.
The rest of the week has been full of training.
Ralph and Chew are in training for stop, start, backing, jumping, circles and floating.
Az is in training for freestyle.
Caps is not in training because he doesn't have to but I would like to do a little bit more with him.
Suzie Q is not in training, it's too early. She does voluntarily come up to me though.
I visit Missy every day.
Wishing you much love my friends, and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Ralph, Chew, Az, Suzie Q, Buzz, Flash and Fenny