Ok, so it's been a bit weird here.
There's been lots of quiet contemplation about Sequoia combined with lots of verbal conversations about her with friends and no matter what outside things we talk about, like my riding ability etc I always come back to this one litte thing...
I'm not her person.
And as much as we could have a good relationship together, and let's face it, we already have a pretty good one, it wouldn't be like me and Az and she deserves better than that from me. And if I love her like I say I do, then I need to help her find her awesome human relationship.
But on a positive note it's made me look back and see if I could have seen signs earlier. Yes, in hindsight, I missed the soul signs. That magic that I get that says, This is something amazing. I saw glimpses of her magic but more the magic that is waiting to be unleashed rather than the magic with me. Which is a bit of a bummer. I mean, it's great that I saw the magic and opened her door and for that I am grateful, but, you know...
I don't think I'm explaining myself very well though so I'm going to try another way. Opening the horse/human door to any horse is pure simplicity. It's gentle and soft, fragile, transculent and magical. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has it's challenges but they're just that, challenges. But with my own horses opening the horse/human door is different. It's all of the above but has some chaos and mayhem thrown in. Some muppety. But even through those difficult times, there is the magic. That feeling that tells me that this could be something f*cking amazing. It touches my soul.
That's what I meant.
It's rained and rained and rained and rained so, not a huge amount of stuff to talk about right now. Az did get a bit of a haircut and other groomlike things from a lady that came round and she did a bit of pulling and stuff which he complained about to start with and then was like, We're all good. Then I found out I shouldn't have touched him but it's ok, it was only the split ends and ultimately, I'm getting my feel about how I want him to look at his best. We should have this all sorted by the time we start showing season.
Have also restarted with Parelli. If I'm being honest I'm not their biggest fan however, I do want to do freestyle and they do some good freestyle work so you know, I went back to my basic philosophy, Start where you are, with what you have, right now. Well, ok, then.
If it ever stops raining we'll go play.
Caps is happy.
Everything's gone batsh*te crazy here. Spirit decided that I should do a teensy Spring Clean and here we are three (3!!!) days later with a super clean house, clean closet, a mould free bathroom, weeds sprayed on driveway, weeds pulled in garden, outside rubbish removed, manure pile moved (don't ask) and storage thingymijig emptied, then sorted through (more culling and keeping piles required). The horses were super helpful though and stood at the gate, Can we help? No, but thanks for asking.
So, I am as I'm writing this, looking forward to bed. Well, actually I've put the stones on so am looking forward to hot stones on sore bones then bed.
A couple of days to relax with the horses and then off to Kirsty's with Az for two days (Thursday, Friday) to see Sequoia and do some Energy play.
I'm super excited. I'll put up vid's as and when I can as have learnt how to do it so you get more than 60 seconds. No guarantees of course that you will get more than 60 seconds, but at least I have the overall idea now.
* You know, working with Energy is the most beautiful experience in the world. It's stunning in it's simplicity and has no ego, arrogance, fear or negativity and I feel blessed every day that Spirit work with me in this way. I would live a thousand lifetimes to be able to do this again. But this week has proved to me that it also takes courage. That I can't say, I work with Energy and then say, But... and just pick the good bits.
On a purely human level, it's a b*stard some days.
Wishing you much love my friends, and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Sequoia, Ralph, Chew and Az