OMFG it's cold.
Not only is the fire consistently going but I also have three duvets, 10 pillows and a heater going in my room. I swear, I have never been this cold. I hope this passes soon because well, I'm a big baby and I need heat and sun. On a positive note though, you have no idea how pleased I am that I rugged up the horses.
And there's been some major Spirit Energy here. I'm seeing Spirit around all the time which is nice, I like that but there's also been other Energy coming through. At night when I go to bed and I'm all snuggled in and warm I am feeling a man slide into bed and tuck himself into me. It's the oddest thing. But it's good, safe Energy so I snuggle back and go to sleep. But often in the morning my hands are tingling to the point of aching and they're waking me up. Now, I've had this feeling before just before I've got into a relationship and I guess the same thing is happening. The Silver Cord is calling.
But on that note, I swear, hand on heart, that this guy already knows me. Or of me. Because of how this is happening. The Energy is real and living, not fantasy, if you know what I mean.
No? Let me explain: People are like a jigsaw puzzle. You hear things about someone, listen to their words and then watch what a person does then put everything together and Hello! you've got a fairly accurate idea of the person. On the other side of things you get someone who will look at you, judge you on the immediate things they see and that's that. But whoever this guy is, that's not what he's doing. He's looked beyond the surface and put, or is putting his jigsaw together of me and that's how I can hear his Energy.
He's not stepping forward though which says that something's still not working for him. Or he's married and we both know how I feel about married men shagging around so that's a dead duck. But assuming he's single, he's either worried about money, which is valid or losing his lifestyle in some way and that's also valid. Because let's face it, in this day and age where you can start chatting to someone and be hooked up in an hour, a chick that's saying, Don't come banging on my door unless you're open to a relationship well, I can understand his reticence. And there's lots of people out there, both male and female, who just have their eye on the golden goose so that also needs to be looked at. So, he needs to get his head straight. Although on the funny side of things, I'll bet good money that his casual sex is good sex is pretty crap these days. Just saying.
But like I've said, it's weird. He's not round all the time but enough for me to take notice.
Anyway, enough of that, I'll let you know how it goes. But back to my horses...
Caps is happy, warm, full of Lucerne and dodging mud. Az is happy, warm, full of Lucerne (or as much as Caps allows him to eat) and jumps puddles because he doesn't like to get his hooves wet. Chew and Ralph are in the smaller paddock so have their own food and seem happy although they ask me if I could be home a bit more as they would like to be able to run freely around the house. Sequoia is being put to saddle and I don't have any photo's as I'm writing this but feel free to pop over to Instragram Tania Kettle as I put up heaps of photo's of the horses that are here still at home and put Sequoia's ones up asap as I get them. So, they're real time. Mostly, the pics are of the horses but periodically I put other pics up which take my fancy.
It will also slow down soon here but it's been crazy busy not just with clients and horses but also because a lot of my friends are Cancers and it's the Month of the Cancerian. So, there's been a lot of socializing.
It is also (as I am writing this) less than 48 hours til the young one flies home. I'm super excited to see him and my DNA knows.
So, my big question today is: If the heart doesn't have any feelings why does it ache?
It's been weird with Sequoia being away though because I've got lazy. She normally tells me which part of my cycle I'm in by giving me a quick sniff and a throwaway comment of, Stallion time. Which as much as it is uber annoying is also super helpful. I didn't realize how often we talked about cycles and how much I relied on her.
My new jeans turned up today and I'm very happy with them. Less happy that they're just a smidgen too tight to both talk and breathe. My own fault, the correct answer when asking the question of, Should I have a slice of carrot or chocolate cake, they both look delicious... is not, both.
I think I have almost done my time with Sequoia.
I was down with Sequoia and Kirsty today and first off, I had a great day. Secondly, Sequoia is looking and acting awesome. The vid's are on Instagram so go have a look if you're so inclined but it's the third, thing which has thrown me off kilter. She's not missing me. She's not calling when she sees me and overall is pretty, Meh... when I turn up. On a positive note, our Energy when we work in the round arena is good, really good. But the one thing that I can't work around with Caps and Az is this, if you put 1000 people in front of them and asked them to pick one person, it would be me. Guaranteed. Az wouldn't even bother looking. I would like to say the same about Sequoia but it's not true. She likes her home here with us but if she had the choice of two people I couldn't guarantee it would be me.
There's also a few other issues which have raised their head which I need to address. She will still be green broke. Kirsty has made me promise that I will get her an experienced rider if I decide to keep her, which is cool but under no circumstances am I to learn to ride on her or ride her by myself. Sequoia is also ready to do more things and I do not have the riding experience to take her on as I am writing this. Our home here is also quieter, Caps is more peaceful and the Energy is more settled with all the horses. But the two major issues I'm battling with at the moment are these:
1) Show season is coming up and I can't both take Sequoia Western and Az English in hand. I have to make a decision. Either throw myself into learning how to ride and commit 100% to Sequoia or commit to Az and the biggest one,
2) I work with Energy, opening the horse/human door and I get brilliant results. But I also want to go deeper with this. Not do tricks as such but really have a depth in our connection which transcends physical limitations. I've spoken about doing this before but it's a really specialized field. If you look at Sequoia's and my vid though you will see me say to her, Good girl as she has moved from trot to canter or canter back to trot. And that's great that's sort of the stuff I really want to showcase but I'm not sure that I'm Sequoia's person. I've opened her horse/human door but I have a feeling that that's kind of been it, if you know what I mean. That the job I was supposed to do with her has been done and now I have to let her go to her person.
I feel like I've won the fight and lost the battle right now but I know that's not true. I look at her and go, How can you even think this is a failure? Look at her, look at what you've accomplished.
But Spirit have been saying to me for a few months now that I could only have 4 horses. I did what I normally do when I don't like what they are saying, I pretended I couldn't hear them. But now I understand why, I either have to go one way or another and that's what they were trying to prepare me for.
So, the question I am battling with today is this...
Will I regret not doing Western with Sequoia because I've always wanted to do it or Will I regret more not taking the chance to see how far I can go with the horse/human door with Az?
Kirsty and I decided today that I would take Az down next Thursday/Friday and inbetween Kirsty would put the word out to her horsey people about Sequoia. I'll put the vid up of Az and I when we go, doing our stuff in the round pen and possibly the freestyle arena and you can see for yourself what I'm talking about.
I f*cking hate making decisions though and I hate this one the most.
And last but not least, I did think twice about writing this blog today. I knew that it was going to be challenging for you on many levels. To take you deeper and ask you to not just look at that which you know but also that which you don't. To ask you to open your mind to another way that we communicate. I also know that I run the risk of looking batsh*te crazy when I talk about Energy like this but you know, sometimes I just have to write. Spirit nudge me and poke me and generally make a nuisance of themselves until I put fingers to keyboard and start typing.
Today was no different.
I can breathe again.
Wishing you much love my friends and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Sequoia, Ralph, Chew and Az