The Energy's been really weird the last couple of days.
Mostly on my side because I'm trying to balance without eating chocolate, which means I'm trying different foods.
However, if I'm being honest, this never really works that well. On a positive note though I now know that Chia seeds are out and Protein Shakes made with peas are a no go. And Liquid Sauerkraut. My Energy got tight, I had black bags under my eyes the size of elephants and my head felt as if it was slowly being squeezed in a vice.
Honestly, sometimes I read what I've written and go, Really? What were you thinking? In my defence though, they all seemed like a good idea at the time. And really, on the bright, bright side, they might have worked. But I don't suit a raw fruit/vege lifestyle and haven't had peas in over a decade. I'd forgotten I don't like them. Anyway, having wasted some cash, thrown my body balance out and generally made myself disagreeable and grumpy I made my delicious Anzac biscuits, ate way more than one while they were still warm from the oven and seem to be almost 100% back in balance and full of the joy of life again as I'm writing this.
And my stash of chocolate is back in the fridge.
So, the last few days I haven't done much playing with anyone although all the horses were also a bit out of sorts today. Well, when they have been out around the house and then they put themselves back in the paddock voluntarily their Energy is also out. Caps didn't wish to participate with me, Sequoia did a little but it wasn't a big win, Chew did but I'm pretty sure he just does his thing and lets me tag along and Ralph was gorgeous as normal if a little standoff-ish. Az and I definitely weren't on the same page but that's ok, some days go like this. Fingers crossed we'll be back on track tomorrow.
However, I did put some lime down in the open stable where they eat to keep it nice and clean. Now it's getting a bit colder I leave two feed buckets in the open stable for them. One will have fibre and salt and the other will have fibre and either garlic or kelp. I never see the horses eat it, there is never any fighting but both buckets are always empty when I go in in the morning. They also never seem to go to the toilet in there which I find helpful.
The cows are adorable and I only cook chicken or fish on the bbq now.
Do not, I repeat, Do Not allow me to get chickens at home and Thank Spirit you can't have an oyster as a pet.
Another awesome day! Mr C came over so not just Az played today but also Sequoia (who also had a half bath - half her body and half her mane) and Caps. Well, Caps didn't come out to play as such but he did grace us with his presence to eat the tree and have a brush and generally be loved.
I'm super happy with Sequoia because even though we only had half a bath, it was the important half. Her mane. Which she never lets me brush. But apparently after Chew showed her that it was ok then she happily stood there and let me shampoo most of her mane then condition it. She should be happy with that because she used the same conditioner as me! Her mane is freaking awesome now though. And I'm finally learning that I can see what a horse will be like without having to achieve that right now, today. We then took her into the arena and then got her standing at the pink step ready to have someone sit on her. She stood there like a rock star. She's telling me she's ready to ride and that we have moved to a deeper emotional bond.
Excellent! However, we still don't know if she has been ridden and of course, moi can't ride. Although I would like to. Naturally the young one can't ride her because of his age and because I don't know her riding past. I also won't allow anyone to train her to saddle by themselves as I've seen too many people do dodgy sh*te when they think no ones looking. I mean, seriously, I haven't worked this hard to have some muppet come along and f*k it up for me. I'm going to have to speak to Spirit about this though and find a way forward. They'll send me the right person to travel the next stage of our journey with us. Someone who loves horses as much as me and cares about their welfare on not just a physical basis but also an emotional one. Wish us luck.
But I'm loving working with the Clair-senses so much. Teaching someone else is making me tight with how I work. And what I mean by that is that I can't just wing it anymore, I have to see how I am working, then show then teach. We video ourselves a lot so we can physically see the difference which is good for me. I can see what works but I can also see where not. So, I'm still consistently changing and tweaking things, fine tuning. And our fun thing today was dancing with Az. It is a real art to have your horse stand still, no ties, no touching, no eating and no looking around - only focussing on you while there is music blaring out.
I'm getting tingly hands.
Ok, well I was out tonight and ran into a teensy issue. With all the work I've been doing with the Clair-senses I took my eye off the ball. Not in a stupid way but rather If the Clair-senses are working with your horses then you will be fine-tuning with your humans. Which I have been but in a work sense. So, I forgot that on a personal, social basis the senses would also be clearer. And I was over whelmed. Think of being in a room with music that is loud and just keeps getting louder. That's what it's like for me. But I'm being polite here, because what I really mean is this...When I listen to you talk and tell me stuff I see your book. The book that tells me what is going to happen and sometimes when I see you going down a path which is not going to bring you joy I freak out. Literally, I start to panic and want to (do) say stuff.
And that's what I found tonight. I tried not to see people's book but I couldn't stop seeing. And it freaked me out.
But on a positive note, it was a good night just because I was there. And I wouldn't change being able to see for anything in the world but I'm at that dark space where I'm feeling my way to this new level. This too will pass but it's kind of scary at this place just before the dawn, but I know that if I can walk through this it will become the norm of every day. The sunrise that I look forward to and live in peace with.
But if I'm being honest this has been slowly happening over the last 8 months. Spirit have put me in lots of places where I have seen people's books but at the time all I saw was choice. The choice to pretend I didn't see their book and try and be different myself so as not to cause conflict, or the choice to make myself smaller. More liittle. So, I fitted in. And you know the answer to that, 100% of the time was, Thank you very much but No and I walked. Well, over the last few weeks lots of information has come to my attention. Things which are kind of funny in hindsight but not if you know what I mean. Where I've walked into situations unknowningly over the last 8 months without realizing exactly what should have happened and instead have got brilliant end results. But it's weird to know this stuff even though the end result has been fine. It's kind of played with my head a bit but now I understand why the Energy has been so odd around me recently though. Doing the dodge is only fun when you're on the winning team. So, as much as I'm talking about the change happening at this exact minute, that's not true. It's been a process. I'm just aware of it now.
But I liked the other bit tonight, too. Not the scary bit obviously but the crazy bit. The moment when I knew that everything would work out ok. Better than ok. It was great to be able to say to my mate, I just can't do that. I can't start a conversation with him when he's standing a metre away from me or even say Hello! because that's not what I want to say. I want to say...Just stand there. Let me look at your Energy. Let me see your hopes and dreams and fears. That which you have succeeded at and that which you haven't. Let me see the scars that life has given you. And also the love. Stand there and let me drink these things in. Then let me physically touch your emotions and your feelings and your colour and your life. Just stand there. But I can't say that.
Please don't think it's all about having a shag though because it's not. S*x doesn't even enter the equation. For me it is all about Listening to the music of the song and then hearing the words. But anyway, no matter what flowers I put around it, I just can't say, Hello! I keep choking on the word because well, I just do. Maybe it's because the word is so little compared to what I really mean and these days I work so hard to speak my Truth. To live an authentic life and be at peace. But after realizing that I couldn't do any of the things that I should be able to do to get to know someone it worked out that I could be my soul person. The one who could speak in front of other people and compliment.
You know, just writing this I can breathe again. I like being able to talk with you about Spirit and my work and the way my life is. Really is. It brings me a weird kind of peace.
Bath 2 for Sequoia today. 90% of her mane washed and all of her tail. Go us!
Next step will be purple shampoo to get all her white bits white. Already she is looking super cute. You know, I can't believe the emotional difference in her. Remember how I was whinging that she was non-communicative towards me and now this. Could not be happier!
And Caps gave himself a shock today on the fence. He was watching me put it up after bring in bin and touched his nose to it. Reared back, gave himself a hell of a fright and is now sulking.
Know the feeling, bud.
Well, that's been our week...a little crazy, a lot crazy, magic, miracles and horses.
Much love my friends and of course, my humans.
Caps, me, Spirit, Sequoia, Ralph, Chew, Az and the cows